Friday was my birthday. 45. Check out these beauts I got from my husband.
So pretty. Buuuuut, those flowers weren't the only things I received. I also got skin like wrinkly tissue paper (I'll spare you the pic), a handful of hair in the shower, a raging case of insecurity, and an extra 15 pounds. Like, someone should tell women the Freshman Fifteen is not the only weight bomb we have to contend with. What about the Forties Fifteen? Or 25? It's real rude. I hope there's not a Fifties 50. I just can't. I quit.
As I've been watching my skin shrivel and my fat undertake the task of insulating me for an arctic winter, I've felt a new kind of insecurity set in. It feels as seasoned as I do - like it has learned how to make the most impact with the smallest effort. All it takes is a side eye at my fit 45-year-old friend for me to rip up myself for how I look. One dinner of cereal, and I'm the worst parent in the world and fit to be hanged. A justifiably jubilant post by a writer about her new book ushers in thoughts like, "You can't do this. Who do you think you are to write a book? I mean, who quits their job at 45 to pursue their dreams?? It's never going to happen because you don't have what it takes." It's exhausting really. And what pisses me off the most is I know they're all lies, and I fall for them every stinkin' time.
The truth is, when you're called, you're called. If I'm looking for precedence in the Bible, I see tons of people who God told to do something, and the only prerequisite seemed to be a heart for him and a willingness to do whatever he asked.
God told Moses to lead his people out of slavery. Moses thought his "slow speech" might disqualify him. It didn't.
God told Gideon to lead an army against the Midianites. Gideon thought his weakness and low social status might disqualify him. It didn't.
God told Sarah she would bear a child of promise in her 90s. Sarah thought her age would disqualify her. It didn't.
David was a young boy when he was anointed as king of Israel and defeated a giant bully that grown men were too afraid to confront. Deborah was a woman who led a nation in a time of male rulers.
Solomon had a million wives and concubines, Abraham was ancient, Peter was feisty beyond belief, Paul was a former Christian-killer and had some life-long affliction, Naomi and Ruth were widows, Thomas doubted, Timothy and Jeremiah were young bucks, and John the Baptizer was freaky granola. Like, he consumed locusts! And God used all of them and more to champion his cause.
So, what's our deal?? Why do we think our ideas of ourselves trump God's call? I think the answer may be pride, but I don't have the emotional wherewithal to think about that today so, moving on.
Our thoughts about ourselves don't get to overrule God's call. They just don't. We have to put our foot down with ourselves here. If we have a heart for God and the willingness to do what he says, we're golden. We're exactly what God wants. Perfect for the job he has for us. Let's not think ourselves more wise than God, okay? Can we fist bump on that? Elevating our estimations above God's wisdom only leads to missed callings and dead dreams. And I am NOT down for that. I want to get to the end of my life and know I made a difference in this world and in eternity because I was bold enough to believe God and do what he says. You too? God, make it so.
